Jared Padalecki --- jummy

feeling dizzy

mmh... i know there's so much i need to do... getting prepaired for my exams, doing some homework and so on and so far. i just can't kick my ass to stand up and start. on the one hand i know i should start, but on the other hand there's so much that i feel, i can't cope with it. it's like staring at the top of a mountain and wondering how to go there, instead of just to start and take one step after the other. yes, i know... i will start soon, cause i simply have to. i feel so down theses days. it's for a couple of days now and it seems it won't change, but yet i can't tell why. i really need to find out and change it (i wish in vain i'd fall in love with someone, i miss that sort of feeling awfully). that sucks. i now will go and have some coffee, then calling my best friend and try to calm myself down. i am really nervous about my exams and i hope i won't fail. but to put learning off from one day to the next doesn't make me feel better, indeed.
anyway dears, i'll have some coffee and better get started today. hope you'll have nice afternoon and see you all soon. keep on smiling

Toten Hosen - 10 kleine Jägermeister

about a friend

as i told you i was to meet with a friend on the phone two days ago and as i assumed he didn't manage to call. i'm not sure, if i am still dissapointed or just fed up with this situation. i don't feel like argueing anymore so i'll keep it going and we'll find out where it ends up.
my weekend was great but too short. i spend it with some friends of mine and got to know lots of new people. we had a lot of fun and laughter. i got to bed by half past 4 on sunday morning. unfortunately i had to get up at 7.30, cause i got this damn seminar at university. it sucked, but i managed and now we're through. i won't need to spend some more weekends for this. today i planed to talk to my mate, who shares the flat with me. he's kind of cute and becoming a doctor. probably he can tell me some more details about my problems. i tried to talk to him at this week's start but his girlfriend happend by and stayed for the rest of the week. they don't see each other that often, so i decided to leave them on their own for a while. i am real nervous on how my mate will react on my news and how he's going to handle the situation. i hope it's not getting too bad, otherwise i'm in real trouble. but i feel i need to talk to someone except my best friend. someone who might have another point of view towards my problem, because of being a medical professional. i guess i figure out tonight.
so lots to do for today. i'm gonna meet some of my collegues tomorrow afternoon to be prepaired for our math-exams, that's why i should have a look at the tasks and scripts.
keep your heads up high and the smile in your hearts. take care you all.

the fray - how to save a life

i'm so sad

i'm so sad again. there's someone i feel a lot for and we don't manage to even call and hear each other. it's that bad for month now. i can't tell when i last heard his voice. we sent emails just by time. i must confess he's not doing well for he got cancer and he often needs to stay in hospital or doesn't feel good eventhough he's home. but whenever i got a message, that he feels better and he would love to call me i put everything aside and take some time off in hope to use this rare chance to keep in touch with him. the last few times i send my friends away who stayed with me or turned down all invitations i got for that day, but in the end we just didn't meet up, whether on the phone nor any other way. a week later or something he writes a short note like: 'sorry my dear, i couldn't keep our date, i didn't feel good.' or ' sorry dear i had to date someone else'... there's always something or someone more important than i am. for some times that's ok for sure. i'm not that kind of person who doesn't understand or can't feel into a situation, but it's frustrating. i feel like i won't break it all up next time he asks me if we can spend some time together, but tell him i already planed to do something else. if it means we won't talk for half a year or something, well then that is the way it goes. i'm, not willing to turn it all around anymore just he snaps a finger. he never asked me to do, but i felt he's so important to me that i wanted to make sure i can grap all chances he gives me.
a few days ago i was in need of a good friend and asked if he might have some time for me. he agreed and we made up a time to talk. again i waited for hours. 5 days later i got a mail where he said he was sorry but he needed to meet with his boyfriend. don't tell you they're living together so they see each other nearly every day. he just put his priorities and i need to rethink mine i guess. yesterday he wrote an email asking if i may have some time this afternoon. i didn't replie in an instant as i would have done before and i really made up my mind to replie at all. so things are changing i feel. i wrote back i'll be home by 4 this afternoon and whether he calls or not, we'll see. i pointed out i won't wait for hours. so if it's important enough he better is in time. i also made clear that i don't think he'll manage to keep our date today. i must confess that's not the way i want our friendship to be. and if calling me a friend for him means i must be there if he needs one but he can fail whenever i need him, than we're supposed to be called friends the longest time before.

winter's back

today as i woke up i watched snowflakes tumbling down and since the early morning it snows and storms out here. it's great. did i tell you that i love winter and snow and izy storms? i felt so alive walking through the streets today. most people i saw tried to hide and i'm sure they called me strange while i was turning my face into the cold flakes and wind. i wish it would snow some more often, but most of the year it rains.
i just came home now. i got one of thoses never ending days, which means, i get up quite early (by 7) and come home around 6 in the afternoon. i spend 10 hours at university doing nothing but maths. that's hard, specially on a friday afternoon. but it's friday evening and i've got a complete free weekend. maybe i'll do some pen'n'paper tomorrow with my friends, but i'm not sure about yet. might be i simply pay a flying visit to my best friend, having some coffee and a nice talk. i need to learn some more for my exams. it starts up with maths-exam on feb. 10th. every 3 days i have to write an exam untill feb 20th. that means i've got 3 days inbetween to learn, but fortunately they are in my vacation period.
i now will fetch some nice meal and something hot to drink that warms me up. i think i'll call some friends and see what they planed to do tonight.
have a nice evening and stay save.

kelly jones is hot

stereophonics - have a nice day

a nice day

this morning is real nice. the sun came out and shining directly on my face this morning it made me wake up with a smile on my face. so i got up and checked my mails to see, if there's some news to be fetched. unfortunately i got an email by my prof. who asked me what to do with my exams, cause i spend a week at home with this extremly bad cold. i didn't manage to do some of the taskes he gave me the week before. now i replied that mail with the request he might check all the things i send him eventhough i know i'm on delay. i really hope he's kind enough to do so, otherwise i'd need to visit this class next wintersemester again and i really don't want to. i'd like to pass my exams as fast as possible. so please keep your fingers crossed for me. the mail wasn't that good news, but still the sun's out and i enjoy it a lot. bad news can't bring me down today.
i spend last night talking to my best friend. she's sooooooo great, i really love her. i'm usually not into girls and come along with men even better, but she's an exception. i don't want to miss her, not a day long. we talked for hours untill almost one o'clock in the morning, laughing all the way through. i love when she's laughing and having fun.
two weeks ago i planned to go back home for a weekend and i was really looking forward to do so, but i figured out last night, that i can't. it's a bit sad for i miss the place i called home a lot and some people over there as much. i feel i need to find some time to go there soon. i'll make up my mind on that later today.
now i'm going to leave the house, after phoning my prof how to go on. i wrote i'll call by ten. hopefully he'll be there. it's a nice day. enjoy yourselves and keep on smiling.

the fray - over my head

enjoy... argh i'm going to be late... c u later

things to be done

today is one of thoses days i'd prefer staying in bed doing nothing. i had a real bad cold last 14 days and still i feel a bit tired and worn out. i didn't get much sleep during past nights because of fever and coughing, but i have to get out here and go to university. exams-time is coming closer and closer and i really need to stay up to date to what will be asked then.
i called my friends yesterday to make sure they are fine and i am glad they are as much as they can. the girl who missed the robbers by just a few moments is still shaking with fear and she thinks of all the bad things that could have happened to her. i tried to calm her down, but i hardly can. she's sort of "the world is a wonderful place and all people are kind"- girl, you know? so to face with the truth sometimes is not only shaking her body but her view to other people and how live really goes. my other friend needs to stay in hospital one more day. she'll be checked neurological too, to be sure. if the results are inconspicuous she's supposed to be home late this afternoon. unfortunately i can't go and see her for a while for she lives too far away and i can't take another day off. therefore calling her on the phone needs to be enough. i am glad her boyfriend will stay with her a couple of days.
now i have to leave and do some homework. to all of you have a nice day and enjoy yourselfs. the sun comes out now and if i can manage i'll go to the harbour watching the sea for a moment and think of those who are on the other side now.

what a man

first day talking

it's sort of strange how fast one's point of view towards somethings can change. a few minutes ago i argued with someone about a roleplay-character (for thoses who don't know about roleplays, have a look here) and how unsatisfied i've been since a few days the way this story and my character goes. i was chatting online with some friends and we talked how to make a change untill next saturday when we meet again to have a nice sit-in and playing some pen and paper. suddenly a message appeared on my windowscreen written by a friend of mine. she was out this afternoon giving some math-classes to a student as two men broke into the students home and stole some jewellery and stuff. my friend and her mate left the house after finishing the lessons and both went off to other places. my friend went back home to her child (she's a single parent) and the other girl just went with her by accident, because she decided to see some friends. a neighbour saw the two robbers leave the house 3 minutes after my friend and the student left, he called the police. theses guys seemed to have broken in another neighbours house too befor they went there. as they heard the two girls upstairs they kept hidden in the kitchen untill the girls left. this made me think of - what if... ? you know, what if the girls wanted to have a cup of tea or something and would have been gone to the kitchen? or what if they had heard some strange noise and would have taken a look where it came from? the neighbour described the two men as very tall and strong and frightening. just by a chance so many things could have happened.
a few minutes later another post i read was about another friend of mine who got into a car-accident today. the streets were iced over and she skid off the road in a curve. the car overturned three times, but fortunately she was kept safe by all the airbags and stuff. it's only a completely damaged car and a shock, but nothing too seriously. so please dear get well soon and out of hospital tomorrow.
such sort of news makes you think your own struggles over and reassess things like roleplays or other unimportant thoughts that keep your mind away from what is really important in life.
the people i love are important. there health is it as well. it makes me think i should just lay down and relax when it comes to such topics as my hobby sucks. i'm going to call my friends now and make sure that they are okay so far.
life's changing just in a sudden sometimes. how comes i forget things i've already known before?
so to all of you - have a nice night and take care. tell the ones you love how you feel, for you might not know if you can do it tomorrow.